The Bernard Pivot Questionnaire

This questionnaire is the same one James Lipton uses on his Bravo series "Inside the Actor's Studio" (though they originated from a French series, "Bouillon de Culture" hosted by Bernard Pivot). Since there isn't a snowball's chance in hell that I would ever appear on Actor's Studio, I'd give my 10 responses for a good laugh. Enjoy.

01. What is your favorite word?

monkey

02. What is your least favorite word?

I can give you five: It is what it is.

03. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?

Music

04. What turns you off?

People who provide a running commentary whilst watching a movie (especially at the cinema)

05. What is your favorite curse word?

Donkeyfucker

06. What sound or noise do you love?

The sound a straw makes as you jiggle it in and out of a plastic lid when you buy fountain drinks at any fast food restaurant.

07. What sound or noise do you hate?

Screaming babies

08. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?

Astronaut

09. What profession would you not like to do?

Mortician

10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

Hope you're warmed up, the stage is all ready for you.